LIFESTYLE People

黑幼龍 | 暖光映染 生命扉頁Warm Light Reflecting the Page of Life

黑幼龍透過卡內基影響40萬名台灣學子,名列國內近四百年「最有影響力的200人」,80歲的生命樣貌已然一座偉岸雕像,無論四周光明或晦暗,每逢轉折,總能以自信眼光悉心觀察,回望道道刻紋內涵深邃,他常引用愛因斯坦名言曾說到「成功常取決於轉折點上」也成了這部生命大作的註解。黑幼龍對無價生命的尊重,令他執起正向的信念,耐心鑿出心中最有「價值」的模樣,持續映染於家族乃至他人的生命扉頁。

Through Carnegie training program, John L. Hei has influenced 400,000 Taiwanese students, ranking in the “List of top 200 most influential people” in Taiwan in the past 400 years. His 80-year life looks like a giant statue. No matter in bright or dark time, he always observes every turning point with confidence. Looking at the wrinkles with profound meaning, Einstein’s wording “success often depends on the turning points” has become a note of this life. John L. Hei’s respect to priceless life makes him hold on a positive faith and patiently carved out the most “valuable” image in his heart, which is continuously reflected in the life pages of his family and other persons.

熱忱跨越年齡 

一次偶然翻閱著報紙刊載卡內基訓練,字裡行間騷動著黑幼龍內心最初的渴望—分享、寫作與演講,年近半百之際,辭去宏碁電腦副總經理高位,決心投注身家中年創業。

遙想初春時節天氣清冷,黑先生和妻子李百齡漏夜飛往卡內基紐約總部,彷彿步入未竟之途,「但我一到現場眼睛就亮了,開始有了自信。」與我們分享至此,依稀能循著他眼裡的光芒走進時空隧道,原來當時台灣盜版猖獗,他靠著自信與多聞突破總裁心防,成為卡內基唯一「例外」,先是代理課程回國,爾後才返美受訓。

一晃眼三十年,黑先生持續受邀演講、筆耕不輟,也與時俱進以網路直播故事發人深省,講起事業他神采奕奕「真要找到很感興趣的事,對身體健康樣樣都會有幫助。」招牌煙嗓子、爽朗的笑聲感染周遭。

轉化陰霾歲月

碰上首屆初中聯考,黑先生一度跌進陰霾,自農校退學後的軍旅生涯不僅深刻,更難以料想慘綠少年的經驗,會轉化為父愛映染至四個子女的人生扉頁。17歲某日清晨,他提起迷茫的未來,與父親搭上鐵路慢車,身旁盡是戴有手銬腳鏈的犯人,抵達位於屏東的空軍通訊電子軍校已是夜深人靜。

日復一日修理機器、雷達,沉溺於寫作和演講的光陰埋入軍中校地裡。母親捎來的盼望照進孩子內心「信裡不是衣食住行瑣事,都是遠大的希望,讓你覺得要抱有理想。」所幸他找到語言天賦,自學英文熬過青燈黃卷的歲月,成了全校唯一留美公費生,這段壓抑的求學時光,隨著夢想起飛,終究得以偏離教育正軌,走在嚮往的路上。

書信世代傳承

17歲的老么力行錄取史丹佛大學,父子倆在相同年紀有著迥然不同的生命境遇。黑先生開著廂型車送孩子入學,後車廂裡滿載的行囊像一股蓄勢待發的希望,校園所及盡是美景和藝術品,他坦言「我遇過挫折和跌倒,他完全沒受苦受罪,將來為人父或當上主管要有很大的包容心,可能沒有我這福氣,難以承受。」

歷經國共內戰的顛沛流離,教育體制的束縛,黑先生反而為孩子鋪墊一條康莊大道,幾乎捨棄其父親的保守管教,與母親通信習慣則傳承家族世代。中年投身卡內基,家人一度離散各地,靠著寫信聯繫情感,將彼此心意抽出心底,黏好的思念隨著魚雁往返,家庭愈往同心圓靠近。

聊起信件內容,黑先生滿是喜悅,現成為美國華盛頓大學醫院副院長的老二立國,兒時調皮鬧事信裡卻說「我希望將來有你的百分之一就好。」接手父親衣缽的老大立言,則寫到「大家每次說我很像你的時候,我內心就開心的不得了。」女兒立琍當上家庭主婦,教養孩子承襲父母「慢養」學,以關愛與尊重為基礎,耐心等待幼苗長成能為他人遮蔭的大樹。

好性格靠慢養

此時新冠肺炎疫情尚未撥雲見日,黑家三代往年至少兩次團聚,現在靠著視訊分享生活點滴,他仍不忘溝通準則笑著透露「要看鏡頭,才會有 eye-contact(眼神接觸)。」在疫情阻斷親情聯絡的航線下,言語之間似乎能看見黑先生已泡進思念之情裡。

回想 70 歲生日,黑先生重返出生地廣東桂林,歲月業已走過半個世紀,如今身旁還有兒女和孫輩三代同堂為他祝壽。看著孩子各自成家立業,他笑稱生日反而少了子女陪伴,見此景仍感觸良多「他們都很善良,不管對家人或社會。」

在孩子為家庭奔波的背影裡,黑先生感悟其想傳承的「好」性格正是敬天愛人、上進、快樂、慈悲關懷,如今開辦「慢養父母班」將多年的教養經驗惠及他人,黑先生謙稱自己不是名建築師貝聿銘,也無法像余光中留下美好詩篇,「也許我們不是天才,但最有價值的是我的小孩是個好人。」

Enthusiasm Beyond Age

When he occasionally read a newspaper that published the Dale Carnegie training, the news stirred up the original desire of John L. Hei: sharing, writing and speeches. When he was about 50 years old, he resigned from the position of vice president of Acer Computer Company Limited and determined to start his new career in his middle-age.

When it was in the cold early spring, John L. Hei and his wife, Li Bai-Ling, flew to Carnegie’s New York headquarter. It seemed as if they were stepping on an unfinished road. “But as soon as I arrived at there, my eyes brightened and I began to feel confident”. While sharing this with us, we can vaguely follow the light in his eyes and walk into the space-time tunnel. At then, the publication piracy was rampant in Taiwan. He came into Carnegie president’s mind by his self-confidence and broad knowledge, and became Carnegie’s only “exception”: returned to Taiwan as a Carnegie training course agent, then, came back to the United States to take the Carnegie training program later.

30 years had passed, John L. Hei has been consecutively invited to give speeches and incessantly write books. He also kept pace with the live Internet to enlighten people. While talking about his career, he is full of energy: “If you really want to find something you are interested in, everything will be helpful for your health.” The smoking tone and hearty laughter spread all around.

Transforming the Dark Years

As the first year student that participated in the junior high school entrance examination, John L. Hei once fell into the dark life. After dropped from the agricultural school, his military career was not only profound, but also hard to imagine that the experience of a miserable young man could be transformed into a father’s love and reflected into the life of his four children. He recalled that on a morning when he was 17, he carried his confused future with him and was taking an ordinary train with his father. In the train cabin, he was surrounded by prisoners in handcuffs and chains. It was at silent late night when he arrived at the Air Force Communication and Electronic Military Academy in Pingtung.

Day after day, he repaired machines and radars, and spent his time writing and speaking in military academy. The expectation from his mother came into the child’s heart. “The letters were not about the ordinary living issues; they were all about great hopes, which made me feel like I should have ideals”, which brought him to find his language talent and learnt English himself, survived over the military school time. He became the only Taiwanese government funded student to study abroad in the United States. With his dream taking off, he finally deviated from the regular education track and walked on the road he was expecting about.

Handing down Letter- Writing Habit to the Younger Generation

Hei Li-Xing, the 17-year-old youngest child of John L. Hei, went to the Stanford University. These father and son couple had very different life circumstances at the same age. Hei You-Long drove his children to school by a van. The baggage in the trunk was like a hope ready to go. The campus was full of beautiful scenery and artworks. Hei You-Long said frankly, “I have encountered setbacks and falls, yet my junior son had never suffered before. In the future, to be a father or to be a supervisor, he should have a great tolerance. He might be not as lucky as I was and would be hard to endure thereof. “

Through the vagrancy of the civil war between the KMT and Chinese Communist Party and the shackle of the education system, Hei You-Long paved the way for his children, almost abandoned his father’s conservative discipline, and inherited the family’s legacy of communicating with mom by mails. When participated in the Carnegie training program in middle age time, John L. Hei’s family once separated apart that was linked by means of writing letters; family members wrote what they were thinking about and mailed to the others to consolidate the family bond together.

While talking about the content in the letters, Hei You-Long was full of joy. His second son Hei Li-Guo, who is the vice president in the University of Washington School of Medicine, was once naughty and riotous when he was a child, in Hei Li-Guo’s letter, he said: “I hope to have one percent of your achievement in the future”. Hei Li-Yang, His eldest child that took over his father’s career, wrote that: “I feel very happy when every time you say I’m like you.” Her daughter, Hei Li-Li, became a housewife and taught her children to inherit her parents’ “slow parenting “; based on love and respect, she patiently waited for the seedlings to grow into big trees that could shelter others.

Slow Parenting Leading to Good Characters 

At present, the COVID-19 pandemic is still in spreading, the three generations of Hei’s family used to reunite for at least two times per year, but now they share daily information through video interaction. John L. Hei still keeps in mind the communication guidelines, said with smile: “Eye-contact will be achieved only when you see the lens.”, Under the circumstance that the pandemic has blocked out the airlines of family contact, it seems that John L. Hei has been immersed in the feeling of missing.

Looking back to his 70th birthday, John L. Hei returned to Guilin, Guangdong Province where he was born. After half a century has passed, he is now surrounded by his children and grandchildren to celebrate his birthday. Watching that his children start their own families and careers, he laughingly said that he had no children to accompany him on his birthday. Seeing this, he still felt a lot: “They are very kind, no matter to their families or to the society.”

In the back view of his children running for the family, John L. Hei realizes that the “good” character he wants his kids to inherit is to respect heaven, love others, be progressive, be happy and be compassionate. Now he has launched a “slow-parenting class” to benefit others with years of his parenting experience. John L. Hei humbly claimed that he is not the Pei Ieoh-Ming, a famous architect, nor could leave good poems like Yu Guang-Zhong. “Maybe we are not genius, but the most valuable thing is that my kids are good peoples.”

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