COVER STAR

炎亞綸 Aaron Yan|Embrace Yourself 擁抱自我

TRANSLATION | Neda

如果能將人以一本書形容,「解答之書」或許是炎亞綸的最佳表徵。出道近二十年,精緻臉龐從未因韶光改變,但他卻笑說自己變了,緩緩地以「自在、人性、誠實、學習」道出如今的平靜。那日午後,他褪下拍攝華服,親切地坐在一旁為我們解惑人生大哉問,如鄰家大哥哥般無私分享,直搗黃龍深究內在本質。

If you can describe a person as a book, then Aaron Yan must be the book of answers. It’s been nearly 20 years since his debut, his appearance has not got aged at all, but he said with a smile that he has changed, and gradually expressed his inner peace with “comfort, humanity, honesty, and learning”. The afternoon of this interview, he took off his costumes for shooting, and sat on the side cordially to answer selflessly to the questions about life and dig into his inner thoughts.

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安全感穿搭

以一身休閒雅痞,抵達外拍現場的炎亞綸,盡顯細節的私服展現了個人穿搭品味,也向我們娓娓道來他之於時尚的獨特見解。提起最能凸顯自我優勢的單品,他說近期是較具夏日感的無袖襯衫,「我覺得身體也是衣服的一部分,所以要讓身體適當地保持線條,這樣在穿搭的時候可以有更多的選擇。」望見他人的第一眼,炎亞綸通常會注重襪子與鞋子,再悉心觀察首飾的協調性。平日裡大多佩戴耳扣、耳環,上節目時才會多戴項鍊和戒指,更透露自己會將目光停留在「設計」上,「比方一個戒指的粗細、手鍊的垂墜度,還有項鍊所搭配的鏈子搭不搭膚色這件事情,我其實也蠻在意的。」

喜愛混搭風格的炎亞綸,笑說有時出門會拖比較久,可能是衣服來不及洗或相同單品頻繁出現的窘境,便會讓他有些苦惱,「我大部分都會從材質與色彩的撞擊來做第一個搭配的選擇,我發現這個思路跟邏輯對我來說是很受用的,跳脫黑白灰,你可以多去做顏色上的跳色或類似色的搭配,但類似色你就要挑選不同材質,比方說今天是丹寧加上襯衫或者可以選擇卡其的布料搭配毛衣,用這樣的邏輯去做搭配。」如何尋得屬於自己的時尚風格,除了大量閱讀最新資訊外,炎亞綸建議多去欣賞品牌的時裝秀也是一個好方法,「每一季在走秀的時候,你都可以看到一個框架被突破了,在這個突破裡面,你可以去找到自己覺得有安全感的穿搭。」

他更提及「髮型」也是一大關鍵要素,找到適合自己臉型的髮型,「多看多吸收,不要先去排斥,也要醒覺到你看的東西是不是都跟你太類似。」

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與少年和解

從眾人熟稔的偶像團體飛輪海,到單飛推出個人作品,擁有影歌視三棲的實力,不僅自立門戶,更跨足主持界、推出全創作專輯、開設個人頻道、參與實境綜藝節目等。回首甫出道的演藝生涯,檯面上看似光鮮亮麗的生活,炎亞綸坦言那段時間曾被他刻意地遺忘,「因為沒有那麼的適合我,但我現在努力地在把它找回來,畢竟那是我一個過去,想找回來的是曾經享受過的舞台或掌聲,我曾經很排斥因為它讓我迷失方向,因為太多掌聲是我覺得有一點心虛的。」

如今,早已不是那個輕狂少年,歷經風雨過後,反而能以清楚透徹的角度理解當時的定位,藉此達到某種程度上的自我和解。而那些歷經掙扎的時刻,反倒讓炎亞綸相當懷念,既慶幸自己沒有走得太歪,也很感謝那時候撐下來的自己,「可能外人看起來就會覺得我好像一路都還蠻好的,但是自己深知我在某些階段撞牆的那些時期是極其痛苦的,你有好幾度想說乾脆別做了。我的心態就是太容易走心、太容易認真、太容易投入,所以會蠻懷念的,因為自己去經歷了這些,我才有一步一步的向前走。」

2019 年,是炎亞綸對世界充滿傷感的一年,也間接開啟了他創作的契機,「那是我唯一可以不去想別的事情的時候,所以那時候去寫歌其實就是某種跑進這個世界裡面,不想要去看這個世界長什麼樣子,我把我的情緒用比較美麗的方式去詮釋,想要把這些美好的東西至少在19年把它留下來。」

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情緒停看聽

獲得金鐘獎肯定的《36題愛上你》,藉主持一角,讓炎亞綸逐漸拋開對一個人的主觀意識與既定成見,縱觀三季以來,他透露擁有最大反差感的人物非「王世堅」莫屬。起初認為極具爭議性,節目訪談過後,卻讓炎亞綸覺得他是一位十分可愛的人,「他甚至會拉小提琴,讓你跌破眼鏡,也很興奮分享他的手錶收藏都是 G-shock,不是什麼 Rolex,很反差萌。我會心疼他用的方式造成反射回來的能量,可能會招受到一些攻擊,卻沒想到他是一個充滿溫暖跟善良的人。」

而近期備受討論的《來吧!營業中》,觀眾可以更真實地看見炎亞綸對於完美的堅持,尤其與顏佑庭的互動中,他向我們訴說了鮮為人知的掙扎點,「如果單純一點是我們在開店,那就很好處理,有什麼就說,之所以困難的地方是它又是節目,也有顧慮到他是一個後備,我就會希望有很多他可以發揮的空間,因為我自己的經驗是我不希望別人把我當什麼都不會,所以我會盡量的讓他去碰撞,情願會去設定他什麼都會。」

更笑答在這個節目之前,早已忘記什麼是生氣,殊不知上天在此又給了炎亞綸另一個情緒考驗。「我覺得情緒,老實說是選擇,你可以在任何情緒前面停下來,所以想跟大家分享康哥的深呼吸真的是有他的道理,我也很常在心裡做這個動作:先等一下,有沒有別的方法?原因是什麼?為什麼生氣?是因為哪一件事情?有時候我們很容易把生氣這件事怪到別人身上,因為他遲鈍啊、因為他做錯事,但是為什麼我們自己看不慣,會累積到現在才爆發?其實是可以反求諸己。」

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論誠實所在

論人的一生,大抵皆是福禍相依,於高峰與低谷間踽踽獨行,於沉潛與蟄伏中煢煢孑立,回歸生命本質,人終究是孤獨的個體。參透了如此多的處世哲理,讓人也不禁好奇炎亞綸是否對世界抱持著「淡然」的態度,此話一出,他隨即給了一個否定的答案,「我對世界充滿了憧憬,所以你很難對它淡然,問題是你怎麼面對自己這些憧憬,你要用什麼方式去走向你的目標,這是一個很重要的選擇。」

當一切源頭指向了「誠實」所在,坦誠面對內心深處的慾望,在炎亞綸眼中,一點都不可恥,也不應該被定義為現實或功利主義,剝開層層貪嗔癡慢疑,或許會驚奇發現原先的出發點是那般純粹如一。說來有趣,這同時也反映了人們對於「愛自己」的定義,「很多人的『愛自己』是我每天都要很正能量的面對,排除所有的負面情緒去迎接每一天,但不是這樣。所謂的愛自己,是你願意給心裡的聲音一個出口,你要願意去做連結,其實很多人不願意去跟自己溝通。」

炎亞綸更與我們分享近期閱讀的心理書籍《擁抱你的內在家庭》,不論正面與負面人格,皆是在保護著成長過程中的自我,唯有與內在的衝突對話、和解,方能尋回自我並療癒過往創傷。於他心有戚戚焉,訪談當下也轉譯為更生動逗趣的比喻「你就把它想像成各種情緒都有機會坐上你的駕駛座,有時候你會希望悲傷和厭世不要一直坐在駕駛座,它可以先到副駕、後座,甚至行李箱,我覺得這是一個練習。」話語至此,不妨捫心自問:你對自己足夠誠實了嗎?

夏姿黑色長袖立體剪裁襯衫。林曉同設計師珠寶 Eric Jade Bear No.6。

Secure Outfit

With a casual yuppie outfit, Aaron Yan, who arrived at the shooting with his personal dressing taste and his own clothes with full details, and also told us his unique opinions on fashion. When mentioning the item that can best highlight his advantages, he said that recently it is the sleeveless shirt which has summer’s feeling, “I think the body is also a part of the clothes, so keep the body fit, therefore when you wear it, you can have more choices.” At the first glance of others, Aaron usually takes a look at people’s socks and shoes, and then carefully observes the coordination of jewelry. He mostly wears only earrings during personal schedule and puts on more necklaces and rings when attending the TV show. He even reveals that he usually focuses on design, “for example, the width of a ring, the drape of a bracelet, and whether the color of the chain suits the color of skin. I’m quite detailed-oriented from this aspect.”

Aaron Yan, who likes mix-and-match style, said that sometimes it takes very long for him to go out, which may be the cause of the clothes are not yet washed or the same items are worn too frequently which makes him a little distressed, “Most of my picks are based on the collision of materials and colors. I find this idea and logic very useful to me. Do more color crossing or match of similar colors, while you have to choose different materials for similar colors. For example, today is denim and shirts, then you can choose khaki fabrics to match sweaters. Use this logic to match.” How to find your own style, in addition to reading a lot of the latest information, Aaron suggested that it is also a good way to watch more fashion runway shows. “During the catwalk every season, you can see a frame being broken. Now, in this breakthrough, you can find clothes that you feel secure to wear.”

He also mentioned that “hairstyle” is also a key, finding a hairstyle that suits the shape of your face, “To see more and to absorb more, don’t reject at first place, but also be awaken to whether the things you see are too similar to you.”

Reconciliation With The Youth

From the well-known idol group Fahrenheit, to his solo, with the ability of acting, singing and also being a part of variety shows, Aaron not only has his own company founded, but also stepping into hosting field, releasing albums, running personal channels, participating in variety shows, etc. Looking back on his debut and career, his seemingly glamorous life on the stage was once forgotten by him,” Because it didn’t suit me that much, but now I’m trying my best to get it back. After all, that is my past, and what I want to get back is the stage or applause I once enjoyed, I used to reject it because it made me feel lost and too much applause makes me feel a little guilty.”

He is no longer the frivolous teenager, after going through ups and downs, he can understand the position at that time from a clear and thorough perspective, thereby achieving a certain degree of self-reconciliation. And those moments of struggle made Aaron nostalgic quite a lot. He was glad that he didn’t go on the wrong track, and he was very grateful to himself who survived at that time, “Maybe outsiders may think that I have been doing well all the way, but I know that those periods when I suffered at certain stages are extremely painful. There are times when you just want to quit. I miss it, that time, since I’m a person who is easy to fall into something and take things personally, because I have gone through these things myself, so I can move forward step by step.”

2019 was a year when Aaron was full of sadness towards the world, which also indirectly opened the opportunity for his creation, “That was the only time I was allowed not to think about other things, so writing songs at that time was actually some kind of running into this world, not wanting to see what this world looks like, I interpreted my emotions in a more beautiful way, thinking to keep these beautiful things of 2019”.

adidas x Gucci 系列白色運動外套 ; 白色運動短褲。
林曉同設計師珠寶 Eric Jade Bear No.14 ; 青鳥花雨夜胸針。

Deal With Emotions

“36 Questions”, which was affirmed by the Golden Bell Award, let Aaron gradually put aside his subjective consciousness and stereotype. Throughout the three seasons, he revealed that the character with the greatest contrast is none other than “Wang Shih-chien”. At first he thought he was very controversial, but after the interview on the show, Aaron felt that he was a very lovely person, “He can even play the violin, which makes people quite shocked, and is also very excited to share his watch collection which is G-shock instead of Rolex, it’s very contrasting and cute. I will feel reluctant to see him being disliked or be verbally attacked, but I didn’t expect him to be a warm and kind person.”

And the viral variety show recently “Let’s Open”, the audience can see Aaron’s insistence on perfection more realistically, especially in the interaction with Yoshi Yen, he told us about the little-known struggle point, “If it is simply that we are opening a restaurant, that’s easier to deal with or to say whatever you like. The reason why it is difficult is that it is a show, and I also have concerns that he is a backup, so I will hope that there is a lot of room for him to perform, because my own experience is that I do not want others to put me in a way that is unable to do anything. So I tried my best to let him collide, and I would rather set him to be able to do everything.”

He answered with smile that even before this show, he had long forgotten what anger is, but God gave Aaron another challenge of emotions. “I think emotions, to be honest, are choices. You can stop in front of any emotion, so I want to share Kang’s deep breathing really has a reason. I also often do this action privately: wait a minute, is there any other way? What is the reason? Why are you angry? What is it? Sometimes it is easy to blame others for being angry, because he is slow, because he did something wrong, but why can’t we stand it, will it accumulate and break out now? In fact, you can ask for yourself.”

Honesty Exists

To talk about life, it is mostly a combination of fortune and misfortune, walking alone between peaks and valleys. Return to the essence of life, people are lonely individuals after all. Having understood so many philosophies of life, people can’t help but wonder if Aaron has an “indifferent” attitude towards the world. As soon as he was asked about this, he immediately gave a negative answer, “I am full of longing for the world, So it’s hard to be indifferent to it, the question is how do you face these visions of your longing, and how do you approach your goals, this is a very important choice.”

When the source of everything points to “honesty”, there is nothing shameful about being honest, nor should it be defined as reality or utilitarianism. Peeling away the layers of greed, anger, delusion, and doubt, you may be surprised to find that the original starting point is pure. Interestingly, this also reflects people’s definition of “to love yourself”, “Many people’s “love yourself” is that I have to face every day with positive energy, eliminate all negative emotions to welcome every day, but it’s not like this. The so-called love of yourself is that you are willing to give a way out to the voice in your heart. You must be willing to make connections. In fact, many people are unwilling to communicate with themselves.”

Aaron also shared with us the psychological book “Internal Family Systems” that he read recently, no matter positive and negative personalities are all protecting the self in the process of growing up. Only by dialogue and reconciliation can we find the self and heal the wounds of the past. He has this interesting metaphor as “all kinds of emotions have the opportunity to sit in driver’s seat, and sometimes you hope that sadness and world-weariness don’t stay in the driver’s seat all the time. It can go to the passenger seat , the back seat, or even the trunk, I think this is an exercise.” At this point, ask yourself: Are you honest enough with yourself?

Prada 條紋無袖背心 ; 條紋短褲 ; 西裝長褲。

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